Here are seven pretty big signs that he’s not into you.
1. He says he’s not relationship material.
Listen to what he says. If he says that he’s not looking for a relationship, he doesn’t believe in marriage, he’s not relationship material, or he’s just “having fun,” don’t try to read beyond those words. Either he’s not into you, or he’s not into commitment in general. Take him at his word and move on to someone who values relationships the way you do.
2. He encourages you to date other people.
If your date encourages you to date other people, it’s not because he wants to experience the enlightenment that comes with multiple dinner-plans partners; he’s just not into you enough to want you all to himself. If he’s still dating other people — and you’re at a stage where you feel you should be exclusive — then he’s not ready to commit to anyone. If he talks about those other girls, then he tells them about you, too. A man who is into you will want you exclusively and would be incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of you making romantic plans with other men.
3. He won’t hold your hand in public.
You kiss in private, but he won’t go near you when you’re out in public. If he doesn’t want people to think you’re a couple — he probably introduces you to people you run into as his “friend,” right? — you probably aren’t one, or shouldn’t be. Even PDA-phobes should be okay with the occasional hand-holding or back-touching. You want to be with someone who’s proud to be associated with you.
4. He’s available — at midnight.
Unless your date works super-crazy hours and literally gets off work at midnight, there’s no reason why the object of your affection should only make time for you late at night. Don’t become his booty call, his backup plan for when cooler plans fall through, and don’t settle for the less-than-prime hours of the day. If he’s into you, he’ll prioritize you at an hour that doesn’t inconvenience you or make you feel insecure.
5. He won’t make plans in advance.
Sure, it might be a little much to expect your new boyfriend to commit to a weekend getaway nine months in the future, but if he’s hesitant to agree to dinner next weekend or a friend’s wedding next month, he’s probably not invested in the relationship. If he’s “keeping his options open,” then you’re not his priority. If he’s into you, he won’t have a problem adding a few future dates into his calendar.
6. He avoids introducing you to his friends and family.
If he cancels on your family, or neglects to tell you his parents are in town until after the fact, he’s probably not into you — especially if you’ve been dating for a while. No, you don’t need to meet Mom and Dad after date two, but when you sense an avoidance strategy, he likely has one foot out the door. A guy who’s nuts about you will want his family and best friends to know how great you are, too.
7. He guards his computer and phone when you’re around.
Everyone is entitled to privacy. No one should feel obligated to give up passwords or make their personal email account accessible to anyone. However, if your date consistently closes his laptop when you enter the room, keeps his phone with him when he goes to the bathroom, and behaves in a paranoid manner when you get close to his tech devices, he might be the untrustworthy one, not you. If his behavior is making you feel uneasy and insecure, speak up. If he’s into you, he’ll want you to feel secure and at peace. Side note: If you’re madly in love and in a super-healthy relationship, the computer/phone secrecy could be a sweet “researching engagement rings” thing. So don’t freak out if this is the only sign he’s not into you and everything else about the relationship remains solid.
